redefined

"i don't understand how some days the word 'forever' is the sweetest and most finalized word to run off the tongue and other days it is a foul and unthinkable, unrealistic word. i just want to know if forever means anything to you! if my belief that we'll never split is one you share. that you too have faith that things will always work out. i want to have that kind of security. to me, love is the utmost powerful thing. i know you sit there and tell me knowledge is where power resides but without love, so many discoveries and facts would be unknown. really! 'behind every strong and smart man is a stronger and smarter woman.' you need to have faith. my heart is 100% yours. it will NEVER falter.

mark my words, i will love you forever."

- you

so let this entry be my new beginning, my pledge to betterness.

take all i've ever said throughout our relationship that in some shape or form is unfair or negative to you and toss it from your mind. i have expressed too many unfair assumptions and i am here to redeem myself. i am in love with you. i have the utmost confidence in our love, in you, in us. what falters in me the most is the world around me; the fear that we could die like the things around us. but right there is my problem. and it is exactly where "just be" comes in. i can't live in fear. i must live in faith; in sheer confidence that as long as i am trying and loving and fair my fear will never come true. i must tell you that i love you. i must have confidence in love and especially your love. i must stop my worrying. and i will, i promise you change will come from me and love will grow and grow and grow. obstacles that pose us a problem only will make us stronger. our educations and travels and commitments will pose us with challenges but i am sure and confident we will do what's best. i know you stand by "just be," but i believe our love will be consistent and lasting. whether you're at school, across the world, or i'm back in africa, i know things will be perfect again. my heart is alongside yours and regardless if my independence is a bit weaker, i will always believe in love. i will always believe in us. i love you so much.

when i say that you're my one true love, i mean it. when i call you my sweet girl, my baby, mon cherie, my love or my beautiful lady, i mean it. when i tell you how badly i want to sleep beside you, oh god, i mean that. when i say that you're everything to me, i mean it. when i tell you i want to make love to you, i mean it. when i say you're my best friend, i mean it.

"there's something in me that keeps telling me it will all work out, and i believe it. so here you go, a seventeen year old girl's pledge to you for as long as you'll have her. it may seem cliche, or completely unnecessary, but i want this on paper. i want it laid out for you to always have, so that you know my heart is yours. i want to spend the rest of my days with you. and if one day you do too, i will love you forever. believe that."

- you